Just aren’t your best self in relationships? And the more you scream at your partner, “Why do you make me crazy!”, the more you secretly wonder, "What if I really am crazy?"
‘Crazy’ is a word that has such negative connotations.
And it is implies there is some perfect norm we can reach if we just try hard enough. There isn’t.
The truth is that we all have our issues, even people who seem perfect. So let’s look at five possible reasons yours all focus around relationships.
1. You have negative core beliefs.
You weren’t born thinking, “I’m going to be critical, clingy, and manipulative in relationships!’. You became this way because of your life experience.
As a child we watch what is around us, and we develop beliefs based on the things we experience. If our childhood is a challenge, then we develop negative core beliefs that we carry into adulthood. They camp out in our unconscious minds, driving all our actions and reactions.
These beliefs sound like, ‘I’m unworthy of love”, and ‘you can’t trust anyone’.
2. You experienced childhood neglect or trauma.
One of the most common ways to end up with negative core beliefs is to experience childhood neglect or trauma, such as abuse.
If you were abused as a child, seriously consider seeking support. Think of it this way - if you met a child you knew was abused, would you tell him or her she was crazy, or would you try to help them?
3. Deep down you are terrified of intimacy.
If we experienced childhood abuse, we don’t just develop a belief that we aren’t worthy of love. We develop a belief that love is dangerous. That it will destroy us.
If someone tried to physically attack you, would you freak out? Your brain thinks that someone trying to love you is like being attacked. Can you see why you overreact?
4. You don’t really know what love is.
If we grew up with parents who were unreliable, not loving, or even abused us, we end up with twisted ideas around love. Our childhood taught us that love is something we have to earn, or beg for, or act perfect for, or that we have to ‘love’ people who are abusive to us.
How could we know that love is supposed to be calm and accepting if we never experienced that? We instead end up in crazy relationships, because they match our warped notion of ‘love’.
5. You have borderline personality disorder.
First of all, let’s keep in mind that psychological ‘disorders’ are not illnesses you see under a microscope. They are terms created by mental health professionals to describe groups of people with similar symptoms.
And a lot of people who experienced abuse seem to end up with a strong fear of abandonment and wildly swinging emotions, called ‘emotional dysregulation’. It means you are very sensitive and react much more than others, and can be really impulsive. You just don’t have the emotional ‘skin’ others do. This is called ‘borderline personality disorder’, or BPD.
If you have BPD, you can be calm and successful at work and school, but relationships flick a switch inside. The good news is that there are certain types of therapies designed just to help with this disorder, such as schema therapy and dialectical behaviour therapy (DBT).
Are you ready to get the help you deserve and find a healthy relationship at last? Use our easy booking tool to find a therapist you feel good talking to.
