Surviving and Healing from Stalking

As an Accredited Psychotherapist (MBACP) and an Independent Stalking Advocacy Specialist (ISAS), I bring a unique dual perspective; therapeutic support to process the trauma, and advocacy to restore safety and autonomy. Together, these two approaches help you move beyond survival mode and towards reclaiming your life back.

Stalking can happen to anyone, at any time. Stalking is Fixated, Obsessive, Unwanted and Repeated behaviours (F.O.U.R) which cause fear, disruption and distress to everyday life. Unwanted messages, surveillance online and physical stalking can leave survivors of stalking feeling isolated, unsafe, distressed and powerless.

Stalking is a crime which can last for weeks, months or even years, often making victims hypervigilant in their everyday life, including when they are checking their phone, walking alone, shopping, or driving, and can often result in them suffering from anxiety and isolation (Spitzberg & Cupach, 2014).

According to the Crime Survey for England and Wales 2025 (CSEW 2024, 2025):

• 2.9% of people aged 16 and over (around 1.4 million people) had experienced stalking in the last year (2024-2025)
• 20.2% of women experience stalking in their lifetime compared with 8.7% of men, and 8.8% of those aged 16 to 19 experience stalking compared with 2.6% of those aged 45 to 54

Additionally, stalking has been a factor in 94% of domestic homicides (Suzy Lamplugh Trust)

Perpetrators will often stalk via digital means such as social media, email or spyware. They might send hundreds of messages or emails or make many phone calls, sometimes hiding behind different profiles, names, and pictures.

Modern technology has helped to facilitate stalking through the use of location-sharing in mobile apps, social media, GPS tracking devices, and hidden cameras. Victims frequently report experiencing significant disruptions to their lives, including ongoing anxiety, diminished social networks, needing to make changes in employment, or transfers to different schools or universities, and forced relocation - sometimes even needing to move to different cities and countries.

It’s not unusual for some stalkers to appear in person at workplaces, homes and in public places. Family, friends and colleagues are often harassed to gain information on the victim.

By recognising the typology of stalkers, victims can understand the perpetrators' motivations and patterns. The five typologies are well-established in academic and advocacy literature and were originally developed by. Mullen, P. E., Pathé, M., & Purcell, R. (2000). Stalkers and their victims. Cambridge University Press.

Rejected stalker:

An ex-intimate partner, friendship or even family member will begin stalking a victim after the breakdown of a relationship, with their behaviour usually stemming from feelings of humiliation, loss of the relationship or feelings of abandonment.

This is the most common type of stalker, who will be seeking revenge or reconciliation of the relationship. ‘…the behaviour is maintained because it becomes a substitute for the past relationship as it allows the stalker to continue to feel close to the victim.’ (Based on the Stalking Risk Profile - MacKenzie, McEwan, Pathé, James, Ogloff & Mullen, 2009).

Resentful stalker:

Unlike the rejected stalker, resentful stalkers do not want reconciliation; rather, they aim to cause distress. Resentful stalkers set out to frighten, intimidate and cause significant distress to the victim. Anyone can be a victim of a resentful stalker, not just the ex-intimate partner, as colleagues and strangers can also be stalked. You may have only had a brief encounter with them, or they could be a complete stranger to you.

The resentful stalker will believe that he has been insulted, humiliated or mistreated in some way and will be looking to seek revenge. In some cases, they may have serious mental health issues and could have paranoid thoughts about the victim. The stalker may even see themselves as the victim and will want to get their own back; they like the power and control. Their behaviour will escalate over time if not dealt with in the early stages. They want to instil fear, which feels threatening and isolating.

Intimacy seeker:

According to Mullen et al. (2000), the intimacy seeker is usually lonely, and they desire close, intimate relationships. They will continue to pursue the victim even when clear boundaries are put in place. They often send gifts, letters and messages, and will often have delusional beliefs (Erotomania) that they are already in a relationship with the victim, despite there being no evidence of that.

Described in the Diagnostic Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5 the Edition (DSM-5), 'people with erotomania experience a persistent belief that someone of higher social status, an authority figure, or a celebrity is in love or even in a relationship with them - without any accompanying evidence, confirmation or validation.’

Incompetent suitor:

Usually these are casual acquaintances or strangers seeking intimacy or romance, but in a clumsy way; they can be persistent and not recognise that their advances are unwelcome. They lack social skills and have a poor understanding of boundaries, which can sometimes be linked to autistic spectrum disorders.

In most cases, these stalkers are lonely or just want lust in their lives. According to Mullen et al. (2000), this typology stalks for just brief moments, but they are the group of stalkers with the highest reoffending rates due to their developmental conditions that could cloud their judgement in socially acceptable behaviours.

Predatory stalker:

The most dangerous typology, predatory stalkers want power, control and sexual gratification, and are more likely to have a history of convicted sexual offences. The motivation is attacking, not pursuing a relationship. They usually are strangers, but at times acquaintances. The level of risk is high, and this type of stalker finds pleasure in making victims fearful.

Stalking has a negative impact on the victim, their family and those around them, psychologically, physically, socially and financially. They might experience issues such as anxiety, depression, fear for their life, and a prolonged or constant state of heightened alertness.

'Some victims will isolate themselves from the world they once knew as its now unsafe.' Pathe and Mullen, (1997)

Psychological - the constant fear of an attack or next contact from the stalker can trigger panic attacks, anxiety, depression, PTSD flashbacks, intrusive thoughts and avoidance. Feelings of self-blame and suicidal thoughts are also common.

Physical - weight loss due to stress and lack of appetite, skin picking, an increase in alcohol or drug use as a form of escapism, sleep disturbances, night terrors and insomnia, which can leave victims feeling exhausted.

Social - withdrawal from friends, family, and colleagues, as well as hobbies and interests. Victims may isolate themselves due to the fear of further unwanted contact, which then leads to a decline in mental and physical health.

Financial strain - relocation, moving house, changing jobs, moving to new schools, legal processes, and security measures can all incur significant costs.

Stalking legislation has evolved over time. In 1997, the Protection from Harassment Act criminalised harassment but did not define stalking specifically. In 2012, after receiving pressure from advocacy groups such as the Suzy Lamplugh Trust, Section 2A and 4A of the Protection from Harassment Act were added and legally defined stalking. These two sections provide clearer guidance and tougher penalties for stalking, which in turn helps to protect the victims of this crime.

Section 2A states that stalking is a criminal offence, while Section 4A deals with stalking which has caused significant fear of violence or serious distress. Serious distress could mean that a victim has had to relocate or change their daily activities.

Stalking Protection Orders (SPOs) were introduced by the Stalking Protection Act in 2019 and are in place to provide instant protection for the victim.

The Protection from Harassment Act 1997 (PHA 1997) was initially put in place for wider harassment issues, but is now also used today for legal protection against stalking.

The UK Home Office has said that it has now doubled the sentence from 5 to 10 years if found guilty of stalking. Continuous conversations between the police, advocacy groups (like Suzy Lamplugh Trust) and victims are essential for driving ongoing changes and improvements to the current legislation.

Stalking can leave you feeling overwhelmed, fearful and misunderstood, with no hope for a brighter future. Friends or authorities may not always understand the depth of what you’re going through, but regardless of this, please know your experience is real, your fear is valid, and your healing matters.

The strength it takes to recover from harassment and stalking is overwhelming, but it is also a sign of resilience. Moving on and healing is a journey that will take time, and the first step is to build a safer place for you to heal, including protective measures and safe networks of friends and professionals, which can offer you a sense of security and reassurance.

When you feel safer, you will start to have the confidence to reconnect with life as you once knew it, outings, hobbies and passions. Therapy will allow you a safe space to process the trauma you have been put through, focusing on the grief, fear, and anger and how best to move forward.

Stalking is not just an inconvenience; it is a serious, persistent crime with devastating impacts. Survivors deserve more than sympathy. They deserve specialised, trauma‑informed support that addresses both emotional and practical needs.

If you are experiencing stalking, know that you are not alone. With time, professional support, and your own strength and resilience, you can move forward toward a more peaceful and fulfilled life.

Lorraine Ross is an Accredited Psychotherapist (MBACP (Accred)) and an Independent Stalking Advocacy Specialist (ISAS) with a particular interest in working with loss, bereavement, stalking and harassment, currently available for sessions via HarleyTherapy.com. If you would like to work with Lorraine, you can view her availability and book an initial session here.

If you are currently experiencing stalking or are living with the psychological aftermath, please know that specialised support is available. You don't have to carry this alone.

Work with Me - You can view my profile and book a session directly through Harley Therapy: Book with Lorraine Ross on HarleyTherapy.com