Have you experienced things that leave you feeling damaged and beyond repair? And do you hide these thoughts and the truth of your past experiences from others, suffering in silence?
Shame is controlling your life.
Shame is an emotion that is often confused with guilt. We did something we feel bad about, and say, “I am so ashamed’.
But shame is actually not guilt, it is more guilt along with every other negative dark feeling gathered together.
As the strongest, darkest and most powerful of negative emotions, shame is when we evaluate ourselves and see nothing at all of value. We don’t just feel bad, we feel powerless and useless.
So how do you know that shame is your problem? See if any of the following sound familiar:
If as adults we struggle with deep feelings of shame? It means that as a child we had experiences that deeply damaged our sense of self and worth.
This could be a series of what is called ‘adverse childhood experiences’, or ACEs. These include losing a parent or watching him or her go to prison, witnessing a mother being abused by her partner, having a parent who was an alcoholic or drug user or mentally ill, being humiliated and crticised often, being physically slapped and pushed around, sexual abuse, not being shown love and acceptance, or being neglected.
Not surprisingly, feeling worthless and like terrible things happen because of you does not lead to great mental health. Instead, shame is often a contributor to:
A talk therapist can help you find and process the root of your shameful feelings. You can finally stop blaming yourself for things that happened to you as a child, and can learn ways to build your self-esteem. When you start making life choices from a place of worth instead of shame, life feels full of possibility at last.