Need More Love?

Feel lonely all the time? Even if you have friends and a family, or even a partner? Or are you someone who can't seem to attract any loving relationships at all?

Whatever the situation, these tips can work to bring more love into your life.

1. Stop diminishing other people.

Find it a struggle to feel loved in relationships, or even to be connected with friends? Notice how often, even if it’s just in your head, you focus on what is wrong with the other person.

How often you put the other person down, even if it’s hidden behind humour?

Making other people feel 'less than' erodes their ability to be open and loving around us. With time, it’s like a cliff face. Enough erosion, and the cliff just collapses. There is no love left.

1. Each time you find your mind reaching towards criticism, pause, and take time to remind yourself of what is right with that person.
2. And start letting them know. Thank them for the little things they do, no matter how small.
3. And try this on yourself, too. A habit of diminishing others inevitably comes from a deep-rooted belief that we ourselves are flawed.

2. Lower expectations.

Constantly diminishing someone can come from having unrealistic expectations of them. Unless we take the time to look at what those expectations are we can be unaware of how unattainable they are.

1. Sit down and make a detailed list, being as honest as you can of all the things you are expecting.
2. How exhausting does it feel to look at it all laid out like that?
3. Would you expect that of a friend? Then why of a partner or family member?
4. What expectations can you now let go of?

When we have less expectations we create room for more appreciation for what people do offer, bringing more love into our lives. And we become more curious about who they are.

In fact research found that couples can argue as they have been together so long they forget to be curious about what the other thinks or feels, but just assume they know. Staying curious is suggested as a way to improve relationships.

3. Be more generous.

"Instead of extended ourselves with open, unguarded hearts, we enter the majority of our encounters defended and closed. The withholding of ourselves is so common that we just think it's normal".

So says Katherine Woodward Thomas in her bestselling book Calling in the One. And she's right. Many of us also have very narrow limits to what we see as loveable. And the second someone is grumpy, or going through a rough patch that sees them being a bit draining, we don’t have any more love for them.

Love involves acceptance of all of someone, not just an edited version. What if you could love them even when they were misbehaving? How wide can you open your heart and just love anyway? The more we give, the more love comes back to us.

4. Figure out what you actually like doing and doing more of it.

If you struggle to make friends or meet romantic partners, this is the ticket forward.

When you figure out what actually lights you up — not what you think you should enjoy doing, or what your friends like— but what you deep down love? And start doing more of that? You instantly are creating a life more aligned with your personal values.

Which means you start meeting people who match your values. And matching values is the basis of all good, loving relationships. Not if you share the same taste in music or restaurants.

5. Up your communication skills.

First good advice here is get rid of the enemy of love -- blame. If you start a lot of phrases with ‘You did/ You said/ You make me feel….’ you are in blame mode. Which is like an energetic push away for others. Instead, learn to take responsibility for your own emotions and reactions. “I feel this when you do that.”

And then learn other people’s ‘love languages’ and let them know yours. Yes, it might feel a bit of a cheesy American concept, but the reason love languages became so popular is because they work. When you understand that your friend or partner shows their affection by helping you out, when you were waiting for compliments as that's your language? You might realise they have been showing you love for ages.

6. Be more present, receive more love.

Sometimes someone is trying so hard to connect with us and we don’t notice because we are distracted. We are lost in thought as our kids try to do the dance routine they created for us, don’t see our partner smiling at us with affection as we are on our phone. Consider learning mindfulness, a daily routine that can revolutionise your ability to appreciate the present moment.

7. Seek support if love is tricky for you.

Cant seem to feel love or attract it? Always feel alone and cut off from others? It’s likely you have limiting beliefs created by difficult past experiences that are leading you to behave in ways that pushes away connection and love. Working with a therapist can be a fast track to breaking through these limits and learning how to love at last.

Is this the year you finally get more love in your life? Use our easy booking process to find the right therapist for you and make this a reality.