How to know when it is and isn't self-harm
Maybe you've hurt yourself once and can't stop thinking about it. Maybe it's happened more than once, but you've told yourself it doesn't really count. If you are wondering whether what you are doing is self-harm, that question alone is worth taking seriously, and you deserve support with it, whatever the answer turns out to be.
It’s pretty much just what it sounds like - it means deliberately hurting or injuring your own body. In the UK, clinicians use a broad definition: it counts as self-harm whatever the reason behind it, and whether it happened once or many times.
It can look different from person to person. Some of the more recognised forms include:
Self-harm is much more common than many people realise, and it isn't attention-seeking. Most people who self-harm keep it very private.
Self harm is usually a sign that someone is carrying more emotional pain than they know how to manage. It might be connected to feelings of anger, shame, numbness, loneliness or being overwhelmed, or something may have happened that feels impossible to talk about.
It is often an attempt to cope. But any sense of relief tends to be brief, and the feelings underneath are still there afterwards, often joined by guilt or worry.
Social media can play a part too. When you feel isolated, online spaces that talk about self-harm can seem like the only places where you feel understood. But a community that encourages you to hurt yourself isn't looking after you, and you deserve connection that helps you feel better, not worse.
It's very common to find reasons why what you're doing isn't really self-harm. These thoughts are understandable, often because the alternative feels too shameful or scary. Here are a few you may recognise:
Sometimes self-harm happens under the cover of a joke, a dare, or drinking. It can still be connected to how you're feeling, and it's still okay to ask for help.
'It was a one-off.'
Even a single time is worth paying attention to. What was going on for you just before? If you've found yourself thinking about doing it again, that's a sign it might help to talk to someone.
'Nobody knows, so it isn't a big deal.'
Keeping it a secret doesn't make it smaller. It usually just means you're coping with it on your own, and you do not have to.
There is no level of injury you have to reach before your feelings matter. If you are hurting yourself to cope, you deserve support.
Self-harm isn't always what people picture. It can also include:
If any of these sound familiar, it doesn't mean something is wrong with you. It means you may be dealing with something painful and support can help.
Self-harm can become a pattern that is hard to break alone, and it can cause physical harm that lasts longer than the moment itself. More importantly, it doesn't resolve whatever is causing the pain in the first place.
The good news is that people do stop self-harming and many find that talking to someone is what makes a difference. Therapy can help you understand what's driving the urge, find ways of coping that don't hurt you and work through the feelings or experiences underneath at a pace that feels manageable.
You also don't have to be ready to stop completely before asking for help. Reaching out is a first step, not a promise.
If you do hurt yourself, please look after the injury and get medical help if it's deep, won't stop bleeding, is a burn, shows sign of infection or if you've taken anything. You won't be judged for asking.
Starting with one person can make it feel more manageable. That might be a friend or family member you trust, your GP, or a teacher or counsellor if you're at school, college or university. Some people find it easier to write down what they want to say first or start by text.
If you'd rather talk to someone outside your life, these services are free and confidential:
If you are in danger or have seriously hurt yourself, call 999 or go to A&E now.
If you would like support with self-harm, or with the feelings behind it, our therapists are here to help. We offer appointments for all ages. You can browse therapists and choose someone who feels right for you, and book when you're ready.
If you're under 18, you can also speak to your GP, a school counsellor or Childline, who can help you find the right support.
Ready to stop self-harming and start finding better ways to cope? Use our easy to use booking tool to find a therapist you like now, at a price you can afford.
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