Why Does Everyone Hate Me?
by Harley Therapy | Psychological Issues
Believing you are hated by other people can be a lonely, isolating and often scary experience
You may feel like you are constantly in conflict with those around you, or that your unique qualities are underappreciated. The more you dwell on these negative thoughts, the more susceptible you become to feelings of self-hatred and hopelessness.
While you may feel unliked or unloved, however, it is likely other people will share this fear. As much as you may worry and fret over feeling hated by the people in your life, these individuals may also feel others do not like them.
Feelings of being hated may arise due to the ways in which we interact and socialise with others. A therapist can help you work through these feelings.
Why do I believe that I am hated by others?
An individual may struggle to socialise and get along with other people due to a number of different reasons.
Presenting a False Self
Individuals struggling to establish an identity or a sense of self may find it difficult to make lasting connections with other people. If you feel compelled to express thoughts and behaviours that fit within societal or cultural norms rather than share your own unique thoughts and behaviours with others, you may present a false impression of yourself to those around you. These false qualities may come across as unappealing to others.
Presenting a false self can occur if you have experienced bullying or abuse in the past, especially if you were punished for expressing yourself whilst growing up. Recognising this false self can help you take your first steps on a journey of self acceptance, with therapy also available as a useful tool to help you discover your true self within a safe and non-judgemental environment.
A Lack of Shared Values
You may find yourself struggling to connect with others if you both do not share deeper common values that form the basic core values of your life, such as valuing honesty or equality.
Excessive People Pleasing
Many of us go out of our way to please other people at our own expense in order to win approval from others. Some of us may also go out of our way to please others with an expectation of receiving the same in return. However, too much of this behaviour can sometimes make other people feel uncomfortable or even manipulated.
Experiencing feelings of anxiety in social situations can lead us to react in ways that can overwhelm other people. Anxiety may prompt us to retreat into ourselves and barely interact with others, or it can make us loud and overly animated in conversation.
If you are stuck in negative thought spirals prompted by feelings of self-hatred or low self-esteem, other people may begin to pick up on this negativity. You may be overly self-deprecating: making jokes at your own expense or being openly self critical.
Individuals with personality disorders may experience complications in life and relationships due to long-term, persistent patterns of difficult behaviour that they cannot escape from. They can struggle to maintain relationships and may often find themselves in conflict with others as their personality can come across as outside of the social or cultural norm.
Examples of personality disorders include: borderline personality disorder, schizoid personality disorder, obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), antisocial personality disorder, and avoidant personality disorder.
Read more about personality disorders, how they are categorised, and how they are diagnosed.
How can I stop feeling like I am hated by others?
Once an individual has recognised that they are experiencing difficulties in getting along with other people, their journey to maintaining healthier relationships can begin. It is important to acknowledge that change and commitment may be necessary in order to see improvements.
Psychotherapy can provide support to individuals who wish to better understand their conflicts and social difficulties, helping to identify the factors which may be contributing to their complications with relating to others. If these issues are rooted in past traumas, therapy can be used to work through and process these experiences in order to make room for change and growth towards a stronger identity and sense of self-compassion.
It is worth noting that individuals with personality disorders may not be able to completely overcome their condition. Undertaking psychotherapy can, however, improve behaviour and help individuals understand others better in order to reduce conflict.