How to know it’s self-harm
If you sometimes hurt yourself when things feel like too much, you might be wondering whether it's serious enough to talk about. Perhaps nobody else knows and it doesn't happen often, so it feels easier to keep it to yourself.
Whatever if going on for you, you deserve support. You don't have to wait until things feel worse, or until you've stopped, to reach out. This article looks at what self-harm is, why it can happen and what might help.
If you have hurt yourself and the injury needs medical attention, or you feel you might be in danger, please call 999 or go to your nearest accident and emergency department.
You can also contact the services below:
Self-harm is when someone intentionally hurts or injures themselves, usually as a way of coping with difficult feelings, thoughts or experiences. It can take many forms, and it affects people of all ages and backgrounds.
How someone self-harms matters less than what it is doing for them. Self-harm is often a sign that something is causing a lot of pain inside, and that pain deserves care.
Some repetitive behaviours, such as the hair pulling seen in trichotillomania, can look similar but often feel more automatic than deliberate. If that sounds closer to your experience, a therapist can help you explore it too.
Many people feel that because they don't self-harm often, it doesn't really count. But how often is less important than why. If hurting yourself has become a way to get through moments when your feelings are overwhelming, it's worth taking seriously, even if it only happens occasionally.
That isn't a judgement. It's a recognition that you may be carrying something painful, and that you might have been managing it on your own for a while.
People self-harm for many different reasons, and these can change over time. Some describe it as a way to release tension or anger, to feel something when they feel numb, or to feel more in control when everything else feels chaotic. Others say physical pain can feel easier to focus on than emotional pain.
Any sense of release tends to be short-lived and can often be followed by other feelings such as shame, guilt or worry about being found out. This cycle can make self-harm hard to stop, and hard to talk about.
Self-harm can be linked to stress, low mood, anxiety, loneliness, bullying, relationship difficulties or past trauma. Sometimes there is no single clear reason, and that's okay too. You don't need to fully understand it to ask for help.
For many people, self-harm is about coping rather than wanting to die. If you are having thoughts of ending your life, please contact Samaritans on 116 123 or call 999.
Self-harm can make sense as a way of getting through painful moments, but it rarely eases what's causing the pain underneath. Over time, people often find the urges come more often, while the feelings behind them stay the same.
Carrying it alone can also feel isolating, especially if you're worried about how others might react. Talking to someone you trust, your GP, or a therapist can be a first step towards understanding what's going on, and finding ways to cope that feel kinder to you.
Injuries can also sometimes be more serious than they first appear, so please get medical advice if you're unsure.
Different things work for different people, so it can help to try a few and notice what feels right for you.
If you do self-harm, try not to be hard on yourself. It doesn't mean you've failed or undone any progress. Look after any injury, and reach out to someone when you feel able.
Self-harm is often connected to things that are hard to face alone. A counsellor or therapist can offer a calm, non-judgemental space to talk about what you're going through, at your own pace. Together, you can begin to understand what the urges are linked to, and build other ways of coping that feel manageable.
You don't need to have stopped, or to know exactly what to say. Many people start simply by saying that things have been difficult lately.
If you'd like to talk to someone, you can book a counsellor or therapist through Harley Therapy, or speak to your GP about support available locally.
In an emergency, always call 999 or go to your nearest accident and emergency department.
